In The Realms of Surrealism

           

Should I take you back? Back to when you used to wake up early, not sitting on the bed, wondering what the day had in store for you? Back to when the chirping of the birds were dulcet, sonorous and musical unlike now, they sound so plaintive and brassy. Like the remains of something beautiful which is now damned.

Should I take you back to when your only problem was to describe the girl you had a crush on in primary with the most pampered and decorated words?? Maybe you did it to get good marks. Maybe you did it to impress her or maybe you did it to make yourself feel good. Does she still have an infectious smile? Is she still a resplendent damsel? Is her hair still as silky as Kareena Kapoor's which tumbles over her shoulders? Your problem was that none of your siblings should sit on your favorite spot and couch. You'd feel bad if you are walking and you step on the edge of the tiles because you were so careful not to. The same mentality and urge to kick empty bottles you found lying on the roads.

But now, now you're in a constant Cat-mouse relationship with your landlord. You apply tactics that surpasses those of Charlie Chaplin's. You listen to Meja's Landlord and laugh at that part he holds an empty deodorant, sprays it and says "shhhhkh shhhkkk ah kumbe sinaga marashi ". It's all fun and good until you realize that your life is becoming one big comedy tragedy.

Sometimes I think "good enough" is a woman. She doesn't like going out without looking good. She has a problem with the other lady who has the same handbag as hers. She gets really mad when she finds out that she spent the last 5 hours with her lashes off and nobody told her. That's what 'good enough' is doing to us. How good is good enough?

 Is it when you have it all together? Your pieces, your priorities and life in general? Is it when you've graduated, got a well paying job and have built a house for your parents? How good is it? it's when you don't let people dictate your life. It's when you're not a people pleaser. It's when you don't keep going back to your ex for the thousandth time because a certain perfume reminded you of them. Nostalgia is a liar. Let them remain as a mysterious blurry line on your canvas. Good enough is when you complete your one assignment out of the 19 more left. It's when it has taken everything in you to get out of bed. It's when you're running late but still find time to smell petrol when you pass by the petrol station because the fallacy of it calming your nerves is what makes you a little happy. Good enough is when someone shows you a joke you've already seen but still laugh out loud because it'll make them happy. It's when you finally have peace and serenity in juggling your differentiation of pain and agony,  acceptance and healing in situations meant to break you. Finally good enough is feeling pain when you're supposed to and understand that for now, you have to feel it. No lessons, no making you stronger. It's just you and your pain.

I wish I could take you back but since I can't, please let your wounded bleeding heart have its course. Let each ounce of blood nestle its pain and stories in the most patient way out of it. Bleed. Bleed beloved. Do not douse it all in an instant for each ray of the sun awaits to perfect its curves on your wounds.

     "Be it as it may, if we are not ready to break new ground and get to grips with the recurrent challenges of our daily reality, we will never, ever be able to recognize the uncharted and colorful pictures on the canvas of our life, nor sense the pounding rhythm in the core of our being". 

Erik Pevernagie